Heartfelt expressions of gratitude or apology are unconditional. The one word you will not find attached to any genuine sentiment is “but.”
Whenever “I’m sorry,” “I was wrong,” or “Thank you” is followed by the word “but”, any message of gratitude or apology is instantly annulled. Instead of a humble healing message, an attempt to justify bad behavior will be heard rather than an expression of regret or gratitude.
Every great relationship hits a bad patch sooner or later; we’re human, it happens. The best remedy to most relationship ills is the application of a sincere apology. Thoughtlessness is Enemy Number One to the health of cherished relationships.
Thoughtless Actions Require Thoughtful Apology
Everyone eventually forgets a lunch date, a birthday, or other commitment. No explanation for our forgetfulness will change the fact that we simply didn’t value the event enough to remember it.
Even if an emergency kept you from keeping an appointment, your apology must still be simple and sincere. Circumstances beyond your control may earn forgiveness, but the one who was left out in the cold still felt upset or unimportant no matter the reason.
An instance of thoughtlessness isn’t always evidence of a negative personality trait, but may be a warning bell that your life is too busy to cherish the ones you love most. Ask for forgiveness, wait for a response, and then act to correct your behavior.
If you are grateful, express gratitude. If you are sorry, express regret. When one offers an apology or thank-you only to initiate debate on some larger issue, he or she displays insincerity. Authentic apologies are never linked to the other person’s response.
Genuine apologies are always followed by reparation, whether tangible or in personal conduct. Be genuinely thankful when your sincere apology is sincerely accepted. Forgiveness is a gift, not an entitlement.
Gratitude and Thankfulness
Like apologies, heartfelt expressions of gratitude are unconditional. Have you ever nagged someone to get something done, then when she finally finishes, you add just a tiny reminder of their tardiness to your thank-you?
Qualifying words of thanks create lose-lose situations that produce the opposite result of what was intended. There is no way for the other person to win when you criticize them even as you say “thank you.” Procrastinators get worse rather than better when chastisement is married to gratitude.
Think Before You Speak
Can you honestly say, “I am sorry. I was wrong. Please, forgive me?” Stop and be quiet. Can you leave it there, take your medicine, and be content - or will you still be just a bit peeved?
Sincere expressions of gratitude or regret produce peace. If this simple message doesn’t satisfy you, then don’t apologize yet. Re-evaluate the situation until you are convinced of your true feelings and act accordingly.
When expressing gratitude, know what you are actually grateful for. You may have received a gift that isn’t really your style, but the giver had no motive except to express their affection for you. Are you thankful for the right sentiment, or do you reserve true gratitude only when the gift is right?
It is still true, simple is best. There is nothing in life of any lasting value apart from relationships. Offer simple expressions of gratitude and apology and you will be blessed even as you bless others.
Lynn Baber - Lynn Baber, Christian writer specializing in leadership, relationships, and all things equine.
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